how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
