No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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