i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
