I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
