Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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