Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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