who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
wow bdsm is so cute
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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