my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
