because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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