I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
