Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
