there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
