yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
