Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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