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• (330): View more from Ohio

  when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk

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• (310): View more from California

  hey what are you doing

  (310): View more from California

  hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!

  (310): View more from California

  i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''

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• (858): View more from California

  Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  That was beautiful.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning

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• (845): View more from New York

  Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.

  (1-845): View more from New York

  thanks for thinking of me.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?

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