yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I licked your asshole in confidence.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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