I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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