I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
