remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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