The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
