she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
