My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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