There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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