i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
