yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
