I need help removing her.
love makes seman taste better
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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