Walk of Shame. In a state park.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
