break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
