I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
