Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
