i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
