I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
