Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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