Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
