He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
