So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
