Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize