when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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