I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
