tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
