You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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