After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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