also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
the liver wants what the liver wants
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
