I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
