So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
