It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
