toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
