tell your sister to shave her snatch
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
