So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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