Where did you get a picture of my penis
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
