I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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